Months ago, I received the advices of an expert on a topic. In this specific case, and niche subject, listening to him was a logical choice.
Yet, sometimes, the most well-intentioned guidance can mislead.
Quickly, I noticed that his perspective was clouded... by his own fears and past experiences. He was projecting that things on me.
There is nothing wrong with seeking wisdom from seasoned experts. But wisdom demands discernment - a skill that is neither innate nor easily acquired.
Even the most brilliant minds are not immune to biases.
It's important to understand that when someone offers advice, it comes with: their own experiences, traumas, emotions, biases, subconscious fears and.. frames of references. Their worldview.
They may project these things onto you, without realizing it.
And it's not necessarly malice, it's just human nature.
Even though I recognized that he was projecting onto me, I still valued his input and didn't feel justified in dismissing his explanations because his biases were evident.
So, I leaned on my "spy skills" and started to strategically question him to understand what I could TAKE or LEAVE from his advices. What was biased, what was real expertise.
So how do you do that?
→ Start with yourself
Before questioning others, you must question your own perceptions and biases first. An internal check ensures you're approaching the conversation with clarity.
→ Validate with authenticity
Validation IS a human need. People crave acknowledgment of their emotions and experiences. You MUST clearly express understanding of their emotional state without judgment and AFFIRM the legitimacy of their feelings and experiences, even if you don't fully agree with their conclusions.
For example:
"I see why this is important to you."
"That must have been a tough experience."
This builds trust and keeps lines of communication open.
→ The art of strategic questioning
In intelligence, we refer to strategic questioning as a method designed to uncover underlying motives, fears, and biases without confrontation. Tactical questions include:
- Open-ended questions. You encourage elaboration and reveal deeper insights like: "what makes you say that?"
- Reflective questions. You can mirror their own statements to encourage deeper reflection. One easy technique is to repeat in an interrogative way the last word, or last sentence they used.
How can you recognize biases.
Awareness of biases allows you to differentiate valuable advice from distorted perceptions. It all start with developing a very strong emotional intelligence.
And yes, many people believe they have it, but they don't.
In my courses, I go deeper into these mechanisms of projection, bias, and strategic questioning... especially when emotions distort perception.
I just released the most recent one, The Insider Threats Playbook.
This 4+ hour online course equips you with the tools, frameworks, and field-tested methods to anticipate internal threats without breaking trust or creating paranoia.
Here’s what you’ll learn:
- Module 1 → What insider threats actually look like: from malicious actors to unaware insiders, and how to recognize subtle warning signs.
- Module 2 → The psychology behind it all: motivations, emotional triggers, behavioral indicators, and how to respond without escalating.
- Module 3 → Strategic risk mitigation: protecting sensitive environments, handling sabotage and fraud, and building response plans.
It is available inside the Grey Zone+ only.
Embrace advice, yes! But hone discernment.
It's in this delicate balance of trust and healthy skepticism that true wisdom lies. Let their experiences guide you, but do not let their fears dictate your journey.
Equip yourself wisely.
After all, discernment is your sharpest weapon.